MAN SEATED BESIDE UILLEANN PIPER ON LONG-HAUL FLIGHT LOSING WILL TO LIVE

A man currently sitting beside an uilleann piper on a flight from London to New York is slowly losing the will to live.

After nearly missing his flight, the man was delighted just to board the plane before it left. However his joy was cut short when he realised exactly who he was seated beside...an uilleann piper. It wasn't too long before the piper began to talk about the history of an obscure 17th century piper and old manuscripts of bad tunes.

"My face dropped when I got on board. I was already late for my flight and I knew only one thing could make this day worse...Then I saw I was sitting beside a bloody piper! I couldn't believe it. I was in the window seat too so there was no escape..."

After listening to the piper's umpteenth uilleann pipes pun, the man began to lose it. He requested that he change seats but this was denied. It appeared all avenues had been closed...And the plane hasn't even taken off yet.

"I don't know what to do...I'm shaking all over and my vision is starting to go...They should just open the doors and let me jump without a parachute."

The man has currently locked himself in the toilet and is refusing to come out. When asked to comment, the uilleann piper simply said he was just trying to make conversation.

"All I wanted was to have a nice long chat. These journeys can take forever...This reminds me of a reedmaking technique I learned from an Amazonian tribe in the late 1980s. I had just touched down in Brazil with my uilleann pipes and..." (At this point we lost all concentration on what the piper was saying.)