POST-EUROVISION REPORT: DUBLINERS CAUGHT UP IN BEARDED CROSS-DRESSING GAFF

By Caoimhín Mires

After the runaway success of hirsute songstress Conchita Wurst at the Eurovision Song Contest, veteran ballad group 'The Dubliners' have been forced to make a statement denying that they are beard-wearing cross-dressers. The move comes in advance of the group’s departure for their annual tour of Austria.

Alarm bells started to go off for tour manager Tony Moffett when he noticing a number of new venues appearing on the band’s Austrian tour itinerary which included 'The Mr. Pink Club' and notorious metrosexual dance venue 'Plush Wallet'.

“Venues like that were simply not on our beat before and it wasn’t until I rang the tour organisers in Vienna that I realised they were trying to pitch the lads at a new market that has opened up. It seems a large section of the Austrian audience is now going mad for facial hair-related music.”

None of the gravelly voiced troubadours were available for comment but Mr. Muffet stressed that the act would remain much the same as has been and that, for the time being at least, the gender orientation of the group members was not up for negotiation.