"HE LILTS IN HIS SLEEP!", SAYS WIFE DRIVEN TO THE EDGE

June 4, 2014

A local woman has described her torment as her husband of 4 years cannot seem to stop lilting in his sleep, despite numerous attempts at trying to solve the problem.

 

The woman says it started happening not long after they got married. Up until then she reported that there were no problems but after tying the knot things changed. The couple moved house and her husband got a job promotion which left him little time to play anymore.

 

"He plays the accordion and I play the fiddle, we're mad into the music. I think that was one of the main reasons behind his starting to lilt. With the promotion he was working non-stop and couldn't do his regular gig anymore...That was when the lilting started."

 

The woman went on to say that they've tried everything. Medication, hypnosis and therapy haven't worked and she says she even tried valium to help him relax more but says this just made him lilt slow airs. She says she is very close to having a nervous breakdown.

 

"I'm going mad. I wake up in the middle of the night and he's lilting 'The Drunken Landlady'. When I hit him to stop he just goes into a different tune, regardless of the key change. I'd be at work during the day and I'd hear lilting when there's no-one around. I'm going to have to get a feckin' clamp for that tongue of his!"

 

She bought him a snoring relief ring in the hope that this would help but she says the only thing it has done is make him lilt modern tunes now. Dr. Fay of the 'Advanced Lilting Research Institute' explained the phenomena as being a imbalance in the brain brought on by high levels of stress and low musical interaction.

 

"It is very simple to avoid but very hard to get rid of once you have it. All I can say to people is make sure your partner is musically satisfied before you go to bed to avoid nocturnal 'diddling'."

Please reload

Archives

Please reload

Recent Posts

FOREIGN MUSICIANS FLOWN INTO IRELAND TO FILL PUBS WITH MUSIC

April 17, 2020

MUSICIANS ON SKYPE SESSION ALL NAKED FROM THE WAIST DOWN

April 13, 2020

TEMPLE BAR TRADFEST AUDIENCE UNSURE IF MUSICIAN IS TUNING UP OR PLAYING SHITE MODERN TUNE

January 24, 2020

1/5
Please reload

DISCLAIMER: Everything on this website, if you haven't noticed, is 'faux-news'. This means none of it is true...nothing...nada...zilch. It is all purely for humour's sake. If you don't have a sense of humour you shouldn't be here or anywhere where there are other humans. If you have a complaint please contact us and we will send our customer care team to your house when upon their arrival you will be euthanised. Enjoy!