MUSICIANS SCURRY INTO PUB TO AVOID THE SUN'S RAYS

In reponse to the apparant good weather that has reared it's head over the last few days, Irish musicians all over the country have scurried into the local pub for fear of being bathed in glorious sunshine.

Traditional Irish musicians are notoriously shy of the sun and are rarely seen outside on sunny days. The current sunny weather is set to continue for the rest of the week, forcing these musicians to stay sheltered. One female fiddler has told us of her aversion to the sun:

"You could say I'm your typical Irish musician. Any time that sun comes out I duck for cover in the pub. Trust me, I'd love to get a tan but any time I go outside to sun bathe I don't get a colour, I just go crispy! Who needs Vitamin D anyway..."

In the last few years, more and more cases of Rickets are being reported in the traditional music community, forcing the HSE to develop special strategies for publicans to ensure that their local population of musicians gets the right amount of sun. A HSE spokesman explained:

"Vitamin D is hugely important to the human body but musicians are notoriously shy, nocturnal creatures. Their bodies suit the night more, that explains their white skin, to make them reflect oncoming car-lights to make themselves visible walking home from a late-night session.

It is up to the publican to make sure that they get the vitamins they need. The publican should have as many open windows as possible, try and trick musicians into going outside by placing free drink out the front, encourage musicians to play in the beer garden to get used to the sun before sending outside fully. Kind of like breaking in a horse."

In reponse to these strategies, our local female fiddler had this to say:

"Sure I get plenty of iron from Guinness...Jesus, my skin seems a weird colour..."