CHAIRMAN LAU CRYOGENICALLY FREEZES HIMSELF TO WREAK HAVOC ON FUTURE GENERATIONS

CCÉ Chairman Lau has had himself placed in a cryo-sleep in what he says is “an attempt to safe guard the ideals of the ogre-nisation and make sure all generations tremble in his wake”.

In a specially designed laboratory, deep beneath the caverns of Monkstown, the lifetime leader of the traditional music organisation explained that he and only he is capable of overseeing the future of Irish music and maintaining the path of CCÉ to complete, musical standardisation.

“The Ard-Comhairle discussed other possibilities but I convinced them that this was the best investment. The research and actual construction of the facility cost millions but it’s a safe bet. We’ll increase membership fees and lower payment to musicians on CCÉ Tours from 10 euro to five in order to cope with this.”

He went on to say that he plans to stay in suspended animation for up to 50 years and has employed technicians to monitor his physical condition during this time. Scientists say it is quite possible that when he wakes up in 50 years, that he will have physically wasted due to his current age and the length of the cryo-sleep.

“It is quite a long time to be in suspended animation. No-one has actually achieved this before but Lau is quite adamant at going ahead. We are already planning for his return.”

Scientists have begun research on a full mechanised body-suit for the chairman to use when he awakens to help him cope with the foreseen physical decline due to the prolonged freeze. The chairman says he is looking forward to surprising the future public.

“They will see a new and improved Labhras, one who is not to be trifled with. They shall call me…‘Robo-Lau’!”