MONEY GRABBING CORPORATION SHELL SIGNS DEAL WITH MONEY GRABBING COPORATION CCE

July 27, 2014

In a generous display of solidarity with the traditional Irish music world, the corporation CCE has signed a contract worth an undisclosed amount of money with the corporation Shell.

 

The exact amount of money contained in the contract is unknown however it is thought that CCE has offered the rights to Irish music and everything contained therein. This has caused uproar within the Irish music community following recent events in County Mayo in which Shell has bullied its way through ‘Shell to Sea’ protestors.

 

“This is ridiculous. Traditional Irish music is supposed to be an open and welcoming music of the people but now it has become involved with a corporation which is the complete antithesis of that...CCE. The Shell thing is bad too...”

 

Chairman Lau defended the move of accepting sponsorship for the Fleadh, saying that the CCE coffers are quite bare at the moment and they only have money to spend on corporate events, dinners, accommodation for the Ard-Comhairle, limousines, etc.

 

Shell has declined to comment on the situation, only saying that everything in relation to the contract is above board and they look forward to providing heavy-set security at the Fleadh. A group of traditional musicians are already organising a protest outside the Fleadh Office in Sligo involving birds, oil, harps, Guinness and a small child.

 

Part of the contract is thought to include approval for Shell involvement in the CCE claim for Irish music which will involve the ‘fracking’ of the Traditional Irish Music Archive and the earth beneath its building in Merrion Square. Chairman Lau explains:

 

“I believe the ITMA is stockpiling music in caverns deep beneath their building where there are huge rooms full of old recordings, tended to by Gnomes who come out into the city at night to steal from the CCE archive. I’ve stayed up all night to try and catch them but they’ve always eluded me but I’ll have the last laugh.”

 

There have been rumours that the contract also includes a clause which states that Shell must win the All-Ireland Senior Céilí Band competition for the next 10 years, an accusation both Shell and CCE have denied saying they don’t condone rigging of any kind.

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