FLEADH MAOR LOOKING FORWARD TO ABUSING NEWLY GAINED POWER

A first time Fleadh steward, otherwise known as a ‘Maor’, has told ‘The Drone’ that he is looking forward to putting his newly gained powers to use against unwitting musicians at this year’s All-Ireland Fleadh in Sligo.

The local man, who describes himself as a fierce GAA and ‘Foster and Allen’ fan, says that it is a privilege to be joining a list of other ‘Maors’ of the past who were also rude and stubborn in the face of apologetic Fleadh goers. He puts this down to the predominantly ‘culchie’ upbringing of the ‘Maors’:

“It’s a true honour for a humble man like myself to become a Maor. It’s every ignorant, ‘Fleadh-loving but with no real interest in Irish music’ culchie’s dream to become a Fleadh steward. It’s not too often we get to boss these city slickers around so I’m going to make the most of it. I won’t be happy unless I make at least one child cry.”

The man says that he has been practising the phrases from the ‘Official Maor Handbook’ in the bathroom mirror at home in preparation. Phrases such as, “Ye canna go in without a sticker!”, “Wait until they finish this set!”, and “I don’t think yer suppose to be at this campsite. Where’s yer wristband?”.

He has also purchased a brand new ‘High-Vis Jacket’ to wear during his duties that can reflect the light from a thousand smart-phone wielding teenagers. The ‘Maor’ is widely known as a musician’s worst enemy, as the cultural significance of playing music and the irrelevance of their job seems to be lost on these stewards.

Local musician: “This is going to be a nightmare. There were thousands of applicants for these jobs, even though no-one actually likes or respects these positions. I really feel for those attending the Fleadh. I won’t be there as I’m getting as far away from the ‘Maors’ as possible...Boyle.”

The local man says he will be working at the campsite most of the time but hopes to do a shift at the Senior Céilí Band Competition.

“No-one’s gonna get past me. Even if they say their wristband came off in the shower because they had to wear it all week through Scoil Éigse and I recognise them, I’m still not gonna let them in. Ye have to play hardball with these people. My ambition is the céilí band competition though. If I was workin’ there I’d take that opportunity with both hands and be the best prick that I can be!”