A promiscuous Fleadh going teenager spent today recovering after a wild weekend in Sligo, blissfully unaware of the big surprise coming her way 9 months from now.
The local area girl, 18, spoke to ‘The Drone’ about her experience of the Fleadh saying it pretty much exceeded her expectations having attended the All-Ireland for the past few years under the watchful eyes of her parents. She described how this year she decided to camp with friends to give herself a bit more freedom.
“This year was loike, totes awesome. I knew that if oi camped out roight, I’d have much more fun ye kneow? It’d be way easier to bring the lads back especially if they wor camping too loike.”
Completely oblivious to the embryo now growing inside her the girl lashed into another can of Bulmers and a pack of John Player Blue. The girl said that when her and her friends tried to buy contraceptive they were refused by the Pharmacy, being told that “This is a Catholic country” and “Sure yee are too young to be buying that!”.
“We just went ahead and did it anyway. We had a term for it: doing it ‘Sligo Style’. They even had that on the posters.”
‘The Drone’ can exclusively reveal the results of a paternity test carried out by our lab showing the father to be a 19 year old ‘hot-shot’ banjo player from the mid-lands, a breed of musician characterised by their awful, noodling banjo riffs and overt, macho behaviour bordering on homoeroticism.
When her parents were asked about their daughter they said as far as they know she's going to play music on her concertina and that "she's a good girl and is actually very innocent really. All those teenagers go to the fleadh only to play music...right?"
There were also unconfirmed reports of certain open-minded CCE reps handing out free ‘All-Ireland Fleadh’ themed condoms however musicians scoffed at this saying that if it were true, they were probably of the same quality as their trophies: decades old and full of holes.
When asked of her plans for the future, the girl told us:
“Well in 9 months I’m gonna be sunning myself on a beach in Phi Phi in Thailand, drinking from a cocktail bucket and going to Full-Moon parties. The next few months is gonna be awesome!”