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MICHAEL FLATLEY UNVEILS NEW 500BHP DANCING ROBOTIC LEGS
September 12, 2014
Twiddling feet maestro and sex God, Michael Flatley stunned the world today when he unveiled the newest addition to his person: a pair of 500bhp dancing robotic legs.
This shocking revelation occurred before an audience of his ‘Lord of the Dance’ show in London’s West End, a run of shows which are due to be his last until he comes out of retirement again. Instead of being treated to the usual sight of Michael Flatley bounding on stage on regular human legs, audiences were treated to a new and improved Flatley.
The dancing robotic legs made by Samsung, have a 500bhp engine behind them and allow Flatley to perform 50 steps a second, a feat no man, not even Flatley himself, has done before. The Drone caught up with Flatley after the show to find out why he took on this new pair of kit:
“Well it made perfect economic sense. My original legs were far too valuable to be used for dancing anymore. They were insured for €2million! So I had them amputated and had the robotic legs fitted instead. I keep my original legs at home in a safe only I know the combination to.”
“But these new legs are fantastic! They do far more than my old legs ever could with the added bonus of being able to perform for much longer with no breaks. All I do is change the oil. They’re fitted from the waist down and very comfortable. Of course I can’t have sex anymore but these are the sacrifices one has to make for the dancing.”
When audiences were asked what they thought of the new Flatley they approved and said that they certainly add to the overall performance but unfortunately lack the trouser bulge of the previous pants Flatley had. One audience member likened the new legs to the episode of ‘Wallace and Gromit – The Wrong Trousers’.
“He was dancing all over the ceiling and everything! I couldn’t believe it. He must have had suction cups or something on the feet ‘cause I don’t know how else he could stay up there.”
The Drone has also discovered that Apple are developing a rival product to Samsung’s Flatley legs called ‘The iFoot’ and are undergoing human testing. They plan to attach the 500bhp legs to a 12 year old girl from a dancing school in Armagh.
The final ‘Lord of the Dance’ shows will run until the end of October, during which time Flatley will perform his traditional lead dancer role however it is thought that he is in talks with MGM to bring a Robocop themed dance show to the stage when this run ends.