Heathrow Airport was released from lockdown this evening after a suspected case of ebola was discovered to be just a really bad 2-day hangover.
A man arriving from Ireland via Ryanair was quarantined for over 5 hours after people noticed him on the plane sweating profusely, wretching and ordering hot whiskeys, the tell-tale signs of the ebola virus.
But after countless tests by officials from the Centre for Disease Control, the man was simply found to be just a really, really, really hungover flute player. A CDC spokesperson explains:
"When he arrived off the plane we could see straight away that there was something wrong with him. He was shivering and sweating all over. He was also rambling on about some Camden Town Festival he had to go to. He was making no sense at all."
"We quarantined him for 5 hours while we ran some tests. He told us that he felt 'like shite' and 'could really do with a breakfast roll'. So we ran some blood tests and then realised that he was just hungover and the sweating and shaking was just the fear. The feckin' eejit."
The man told The Drone that he was looking forward to spending a week playing in London but had a few too many drinks the night before his flight.
"Yeah, I was out the night before playin' a gig, havin' a few pints and just went straight from there to the airport. I didn't know what was goin' on. As soon as I got off the plane they were tellin' me I had ebola and all this. They asked me what I had in the case and told them a flute made from African blackwood. That really set them off!"
The man is said to be doing well and was declared hangover free in the last few hours. Ryanair released a statement about the incident on the flight, saying they are glad the passenger is doing well and that if anyone did actually catch ebola on their flight then they will offer the victims some airmiles.