'FIFTY SHADES OF GREY PAOLO SOPRANI' DEEMED TOO 'BOXY' BY LOCAL CULT-ASS BRANCH

A local branch of Cult-Ass has deemed a new book about accordion-bondage as 'too boxy' and forbid local bookstores to stock the book.

'Fifty Shades of Grey Paolo Soprani' tells the story of an innocent young red Paolo Soprani player getting caught up in the seedy world of grey Paolo Sopranis, accordion bondage and accordion S&M, slides and mazurkas.

Patsy Leary, the head of the local Cult-Ass branch has warned people to be careful now and not to read the smut that lies within the pages of the topshelf book.

"Down with this sort of thing! It's disgusting what's contained on those pages. Chapter after chapter of box playing and tunes and filthy nonsense! It's far too boxy. What if a child picks up that book and reads it?"

"Jaysus it'll corrupt the minds of our young musicians! They'll all want to experiment with B/C and even worse...C#/D! It's horrible to even think about it!"

The protesters have been called backward and stuck in the past by more open-minded musicians with many saying that the people against the book haven't even read it or seen the upcoming movie.

The book has already been banned in fiddle strongholds such as Sligo and Clare and there is even a backlash beginning in Donegal. However the book has become a bestseller in Sliabh Luachra an area known for its relaxed attitude to boxual intercourse.

"We're all about free-love of tunes down here."