US GOVERNMENT REMOVES WORD 'KILL' FROM CATSKILLS AS IT SOUNDS TOO 'THREATENING'

July 17, 2015

The United States government has moved to remove the word 'kill' from the Catskills, the region of upstate New York known for its appalachian and Irish American roots.

 

US congress voted overwhelmingly to pass a bill removing the word 'kill' as it sounded too 'threatening' for both tourists and Americans visiting the Catskills region. This turn of events is a further indictment of the 'political correctness' and time-wasting bills clogging up Capitol Hill at present.

 

However US officials have come out strongly in favour of the bill with many republicans seeing it as a victory in the run-up to next year's Presidential elections. A Tea-Party spokesman explained:

 

"There are far too many place names in our great country that give off the wrong impression. People don't feel safe and it's all simply down to these names. If we make these names softer on the ear, fluffier, then we're sure this will have a positive impact on people's attitudes."

 

"The Catskills was a prime example. We were always a bit suspicious of these Irish Americans going up there playing music, we were sure that they were attracted to the name. Who knows what they could be up to!"

 

Many musicians have balked at the measures saying it's ridiculous to think that a place name could incite them to commit violence: "It's crazy to think that we're doing something other that play tunes and get shit-faced up here."

 

Officials have already begun a campaign to re-christen the region and complete the 'Cats..' name with suggestions already being taken on board including 'Cats-and-Kittens', 'Cats-and-Dogs' and 'Cats-in the cradle with the silver spoon'.

 

The US Government are targetting Hell in Michigan, Satan's Kingdom in Massachusetts and have also stated they plan to look at any place names that sound to ethnic saying they're also looking at Tortilla Flat in Arizona.

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