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AFRICAN LION KILLER SETS SIGHTS ON RARE IRISH SPECIES: THE GOOD ACCOMPANIST
July 31, 2015
The man at the centre of the African Lion killing scandal has told sources that he is alreayd setting his sights on his next target, the rarest of Irish species: the good accompanist.
Fresh from killing Cecil the Lion, Minnesotan dentist Walter James Palmer has been telling The Drone how he is already on the lookout for his next kill and believes that the head of a good accompanist would make an excellent addition to his trophy wall of rare species.
Not content with mercilessly killing wild animals in the natural habitat, Palmer says that his kill tastes are constantly evolving and that man would represent the perfect game animal, not least the traditional Irish accompanist.
"I've been on the lookout for rare species that I can track, document, maybe become attached to, become friendly with and then kill them, skin them and mount their head on my wall. I believe I'm doing the world a favour by showing these animal off."
"I've been an Irish music enthusiast for a while now and I think that this is the most natural step to take. There are very few good accompanists left on the scene now. I've already identified one particular member of the species: well over 6 ft in height with a beautiful thick mane of hair and extremely talented."
Accompanists all over Ireland have begun looking over their shoulders at sessions in recent days with many experience paranoid delusions of being chased through the African bush. Arty McGlynn was reported to have been seen running around on all fours and roaring at punters in his local bar this week.
However witnesses have told The Drone that they have seen Walter James Palmer stalking Oranmore Castle with bow and arrow in hand during the day and frequenting local music establishments at night time.