ORDER RESTORED AS DRUNK MAN WRITES 'RULES FOR TRAD' ON BACK OF BAR NAPKIN

Order was finally restored to the Irish music community as local slightly drunk man wrote down the 'Rules for Trad' on the back of a napkin in the bar he was drinking.

After a few days of upheaval on what was and wasn't acceptable in traditional Irish music, Dinny Darmody, in his tipsy state, thought that enough was enough and decided to draw up a set of official rules on the back of a napkin he was using as a beer coaster at the time.

Dissatisfied with the direction that probably less than 25% of musicians were taking the music, Dinny thought that an official set of rules would soon put an end to any people's messing.

"I was thinking about all the music I'd seen the past few days when I kinda flicked onto Fleadh TV for a second and saw some bloody fusion band. When I suddenly saw a bright, blinding light...coming from the men's jacks. I almost fell off my stool!"

"I saw the ghost of Michael Coleman and he said to me 'You have to lead. You have to make them think!'. I knew he was talking about these people who take liberties with our music. And it is 'our' music!"

However when The Drone talked to bar staff they informed us that there was no vision and that Coleman was in fact the manager telling him "You have to leave. You've had too much to drink!". This did not deter Dinny and he furiously scribbled down the following rules:

'1. It's 'our' music! No-one elses!!!'

'2. Fusion isn't music!!!'

'3. I am the protector of the tradition!'

'4. Tgyufaxjhtm...'

The final rule consisted mainly of gibberish as the man passed out from a combination of drink and the height of his chair however it is thought that he wished to have the rules stuck up on the bar wall for everyone to see.

Other musicians bowed down in thanks as they finally realised what their purpose in playing the music was and vowed not to stray from the path into other genres again, regardless of how little effect experimenting would have on straight-down-the-line traditional music.