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EXORCIST CALLED TO EXPEL DEMON PIANO ACCORDIONIST FROM SESSION
November 1, 2015
Local musicians have told The Drone News that an exorcist had to be called to help expel a Demon piano accordion player from their regular session last night.
The sessioners told us that the session began normally enough, despite it being Halloween night, but things took a turn for the bizarre and horrific when a Demon piano accordionist emerged from a ball of flames.
Within seconds the Demon had infested their session with an insidious style of music and ornamentation leaving the other musicians frustrated and fed-up. One fiddle player told us:
"All of a sudden there was a burst of flames and out came this monstrosity being held by a Demon! We knew it was Halloween but this was the last thing we expected. He was your typical Demon accordion player: all style and no substance."
"He sat down without asking, playing really awful flashy ornamentation and evil chromatic notes. He then began starting tunes that no else knew and if they were ones we did know he'd instantly transpose them into some feckin' mad key!"
The musicians were left with no choice but to call the local exorcist to expel the Demon as nothing else seemed to work. It is a well known fact that Demon piano accordionists are impervious to constructive criticism.
After a few hours of praying to Michael Coleman, the exorcist began the ritual of showering the Demon in Holy Pints of Guinness and reciting the sacred words:
"THE POWER OF COOLEY COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF DWYER COMPELS YOU!!! THE POWER OF CONLON COMPELS YOU!!!"
Nearly 6 hours passed before the Demon left the session and even then it took over twenty rounds of the Bucks of Oranmore to drive him out. The exorcist warned other sessioners that in order to prevent future possession-sessions that one must keep a statue of Our Lady Sharon Shannon close by.