LEADERS DEBATE DESCENDS INTO FLUTE MEASURING CONTEST

February 25, 2016

The latest Leaders Debate before the Irish General Election descended into chaos last night as the respectful dialogue quickly turned into a traditional flute measuring contest.

 

For the first hour, leaders from Ireland's various political parties debated back and forth until tensions boiled over and Fianna Fail leader Michael Martin whipped out his flute in front of shocked viewers.

 

There were audible gasps from the audience with some older women reportedly fainting in the aisles. With flute in hand, an exasperated Michael Martin turned to his adversary Enda Kenny and began to goad him into a response with intimidatory tactics.

 

"You've been bad mouthing me all night Enda! Undercuttin me the whole time! Bigging yourself up! So whip it out! Go on! This is my flute Enda...Show us yours!"

 

"I bet yours is only a bloody piccolo compared to mine! Mine is fully keyed and everything. I oil it every night while looking in the mirror. It's tuned and ready to go! That's what I got!"

 

Taoiseach Enda Kenny stared intently, beads of sweat running down his forehead, unsure of what to do. As audience members collapsed in shock, Enda decided to present his tin whistle to the other leaders.

 

"Mine is only this big!" said Enda in front of an unimpressed Joan Burton.

 

The other leaders were not so forthcoming however as Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams refused to acknowledge the existence of his flute and Joan Burton denying that she ever had one, contadicting statements she had made in the past.

 

This incident proved to be a ratings hit with watching traditional musicians, however many haved warned the politicians that if they tried to join any of their sessions they'd be given the boot.

 

"No way Michael Martin is coming into my session with that thing. If he plays it the same way he played as Minister for Health all those years ago, then he'll be soulless, years behind everyone else and on a trolley."

 

 

 

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