INCREASE IN PEOPLE REPORTING BEING 'TOUCHED INAPPROPRIATELY' BY IRISH MUSIC

A report released today has shown an increase in the number of people reporting being 'touched inappropriately' by Irish music.

The figures released by the Gardai show a 50% increase in the number of complaints filed by traditional music listeners saying that they felt 'violated' and 'used' following traditional music concerts.

One such victim told The Drone of their experience of attending a concert by an unnamed but well-established musician.

"I went to the concert expecting to be entertained. The last thing you'd expect is to be touched by the music. I sat there stunned, kind of in a trance. I think that was just me being paralysed by fear and not knowing what to do."

"Coming out of the concert I felt dirty. I knew what those extra long slow airs were doing was wrong but I couldn't stop it from happening. And it's not just the slow airs. I've been touched numerous times by O'Carolan, Paddy Fahy and loads of others. They're all at it!"

People also reported musicians using extra fancy ornamentation and obscure versions of tunes to draw people in. Garda have said that musicians are taking advantage of their privileged position on stage and having the audience at their mercy.

Traditional musicians such as Martin Hayes have said they dread being told by another elderly American that their music touched them for fear of litigation. Hayes told The Drone:

"Well it'd not the litigation that's spooking me. I just can't stand talking to those old codgers after the shows."