POPE FRANCIS VISITS THE COBBLESTONE IN BULLET-PROOF GLASS BOX

August 24, 2018

Pope Francis made a surprise detour this weekend during his visit to Ireland and arrived at The Cobblestone Pub in order to listen to Irish music in a protective perspex box.

 

‘Il Papa’ made the surprise appearance as part of his 36-hour stay in the Emerald Isle, and said that attending a session in the legendary pub was on his bucket list of things to do before the Vatican elected a new pontiff.

 

The regular musicians could not believe their eyes when Francis was wheeled into the pub inside a giant, bullet-proof, glass box and was lifted gently into a free space within the session itself.

 

Pope Francis told The Drone: “It has been one of my dreams to visit this special place. It can get very quiet and lonely in the Vatican so I crave some exciting traditional Irish music.”

 

“Some people have visions of Mother Mary or Christ, but I had a vision of Tom Mulligan one night. He appeared to me in a dream saying, ‘Come to us my child and let the jigs and reels wash over you like our reasonably priced pints’. I was awestruck.”

 

Punters immediately took out their phones and began taking pictures of the Pope as he jigged away and clapped his hands to the music inside his protective box, which is specifically designed to deter would be assassins.

 

The local musicians made a great effort to play any religiously named tunes such as The Musical Priest, Maudabawn Chapel and Father Kelly’s reel, much to the delight of The Holy Father. However the musicians were unsure how much he could hear:

 

“How the bleedin’ hell he could hear through that glass box I dunno. It was about 4 inches thick! I’m surprised he didn’t suffocate with the shmell of his own farts. Sure they probably shmell of incense. Ye know, that shtuff is fierce holy!”

 

Reports outside the pub told of white smoke emanating from the doors, prompting Dubliners to question if the Pope had abdicated and a new Pope had been elected. Much to their relief, this was simply the smoking area which had become overcrowded due to the attention Francis was drawing with one Northsider gentleman saying, “Ah yeah, ye no wha’ I mean. I went in to get me holy on, so I did!”

 

The Head of the Catholic Church then surprised everyone before he left by changing the venue of the Pope’s Mass to the Backroom of the Cobblestone, stating that it was a much cheaper option. He also proceeded to bless the taps in the bar, ensuring that all punters will be guaranteed a place in the afterlife.

 

However not all the punters were enamoured by the Religious leader:

 

“Asshole took my shpot!”

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