LAHINCH SCUMBAGS WIN THIS YEAR'S MILTOWN MALBAY RUNNING STREET BATTLE

A group of really hard lads from Lahinch has won this year's running street battle in Miltown Malbay, beating the locals (literally) to reclaim the title they lost last year.

The street battle coincides with the Willie Clancy Week each year as hoards of unwelcome scum descend on the village to fight the locals and intimidate musicians with utterances of "Play us a tune will ye?" and "Diddly-eye-dee-dee".

Last year's event saw Miltown's local population of scumbags beat the skangers from Ennis and Lahinch with a combination of awful fighting skills and idiotic hyperbole. This loss spurred the boys from Lahinch to this year's victory, one which the gang say was long overdue.

"Sure ye know we were always bate the shite outta dem lads there now. Sure they were only lucky they won last year like. We didn't have Deco or Danno or Stevie then so they really got a good batin there now. We wanna thank Buckfast and Burberry for sponsoring us."

The local sane population of Miltown and the visiting musicians derided the event which has popped up from nowhere over the past few years but tried to see the positive side of the event. One musician said:

"These dopes turn up every year in their shitty-ass souped up cars looking like bell-ends with their badly gelled hair, tracksuits and general retardedness and try to ruin the festival for the normal, non-inbred people. But sure if they manage to top each other then I suppose natural selection is doing its job."

The Lahinch lads refuted the claims saying that the fight is an important part of their culture and proceded to eat some celebratory oily chips and drive continuously around the town at 5 miles an hour in a shit, spoiler laden Peugeot 206.