RYANAIR UNVEIL NEW AIRPLANE ROOF RACKS FOR MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS
The 'turn your pockets out' airline showed its latest design to the press today and said that the they were fitted after receiving thousands of complaints over the years of damaged instruments. They hope the specially designed racks will solve any problems for people travelling with instruments.
Ryanair boss Michael 'Up Yours' O'Leary said this was a state of the art addition, one which hasn't been seen on any airline in the world, something which Ryanair are very proud of.
"Ah yes we couldn't be happier. Up yours. We used to have these idiots complaining about damaged instruments and stuff which I couldn't care less about. But the board said we had to fob them off somehow so this was the best solution. Up Yours."
"There's no other airline in the world with them but to be honest Ryanair is the only company with the brains to come up with them and the balls to put them on. Up Yours. These musicians think they're so great. I'm sick of them. Oh, up yours."
The service is not free however. To have the luxury of the roof rack you'll have to add an extra €50 onto your fee, similar to heavy baggage. Elasticated hooks to hold the instruments down will also cost extra wiht Ryanair's explanation being that 'you pay to use the rack, we never said the instruments would be there when you arrive'.
Musicians have met the announcement with derision and said that its just another marketing ploy by the company, much like its pay to use the toilets scheme it brought in. However Micahel 'Up Yours' O'Leary is unperturbed.
"You won't be paying out the nose for this one. We'll have to find a smaller orifice..."