CONFUSED TRAD MUSICIANS WANDER STREETS DUE TO GOOD FRIDAY PUB BAN
Thousands of confused traditional Irish musicians have been seen wandering the streets of cities and towns all over Ireland due to the Good Friday pub ban.
The archaic law which sees all drinking establishments closed for Good Friday has caused consternation amongst the Irish music community as musicians walk aimlessly around city streets, instruments in hand, searching for somewhere to play.
Musicians have reportedly been seen all over the country from Belfast to Cork, Dublin to Galway desperately looking for musical sustenance. The general public have been telling us about some of the depraved acts they've seen:
"It's awful stuff. They walk around in groups moaning about music with their instruments out. I saw one lad eating a copy of O'Neills 1001 Tunes. It was like he was an animal. I've even seen some of them without instruments miming playing and lilting! Disgusting."
"They groan about the most random things. You can hear them say 'Colonal Frasers', 'Do you have a name on that one?' and 'This is my round'. The sooner Good Friday is over and they get back into those pubs the better."
Crowds of musicians have been seen gathering in large groups outside the Cobblestone in Dublin, Tigh Coilí in Galway and Friels in Miltown Malbay, banging on the doors and windows shouting 'Reels...Reeeeeeels....We want to eat your reels.'
Minister for Defence Simon Coveney has urged people to stay clear of the musicians, warning that they are dangerous and are likely to ask for a round of drink if you get too close.
"Please, it's extremely important that you stay away from these groups of musicians for the rest of the day. If you need to defend yourself the only way to get rid of them is by asking to sing a song or requesting 'The Lonesome Boat' or 'The Galway Girl'."