DUELING BANJOS AFFLICTION MOVING THROUGHOUT IRELAND

An affliction of dueling banjos has been spotted moving throughout the country and is having a devastating impact on the eardrums of unsuspecting punters.

The dueling banjos have already been seen in Galway, Cork and Waterford, where they left a trail of destruction in their wake. Many people have likened this to one of the Biblical plagues saying it is on a par with the raining frogs and probably worse than the case of boils.

Under the disguise of John Carty and his daughter Maggie, the disease has already claimed 5 lives in Spiddal with further cases being placed under quarantine in Cork and Waterford. The affliction has already been dubbed 'the ebanjo virus'. The Centre for Disease Control has been called in to deal with the affliction as a representative explains.

"Whenever a serious outbreak occurs people usually call the CDC to try and deal with the situation and bring some sort of normality. However in this case it has been particularly difficult due to the nature of the virus."

"It seems to mutate as the tour goes on with tunes and the order of sets changing from location to location, new songs being added and banter with the audience changes. We can only hope that this assault on the ears comes to an end soon."

Symptoms of the dueling banjos include hearing plucking sounds when there are no banjos around, a constant need to strum and improvise and a huge desire to whistle 1920s Irish ditties. People have been told to avoid areas where the dueling banjos might be seen. The CDC have released a list of where the concerts are reported to be taking place:

Thursday 4th June - The Coast Lodge, Spanish Point, Co Clare Friday 5th June - St John's Theatre & Arts Centre, Listowel, Co Kerry Saturday 6th June - Trinity Arts Castlerea tbc Friday 12th June - Dunkineely, Co Donegal Saturday 13th June - Morrison Teach Ceoil Riverstown Saturday 20th June - Anglers Return, Toombeola, Roundstone, Connemara Sunday 21st June - The Rowan Tree, Ennis, Co Clare