REPORT: MAJORITY OF IRISH MUSICIANS GET EXERCISE FROM STANDING DURING 'THE DINGLE REGATTA'

A report released today has revealed that the majority of traditional Irish musicians get their only form of exercise when standing up during the traditional slide, ‘The Dingle Regatta’.

The report, conducted by the HSE, found Irish musicians to be extremely unfit due to long lengths of time sitting around between tunes with their only form of exercise coming when they stand up out of their chairs for the first bar of the third part of ‘The Dingle Regatta’.

According to the report this constitutes one squat which falls far short of the required number to have any effect on the body.

“Everybody should be getting at least 30 minutes of exercise per day which can come in any form. Our report found that Irish musicians are the worst at making an effort.”

“Standing during The Dingle Regatta is only bit of exercise they get between playing tunes which is nowhere near the amount required everyday. And most of the time they don’t even play the tune, mainly because it’s shite.”

The number of times the tune is actually played also caused concern for the authors of the report with the tune only occurring in sessions once every 10 years with this frequency lowering depending on the standard of music.

When confronted with the findings, local musicians began questioning the legitimacy of the report, asking if they took into account the other movements that occur during a session.

Local musician: “Ridiculous! Sure I get plenty of exercise! I get my bicep curls from lifting my pint glass, my cardio by walking to and from the bar, and deadlifts from having to lug this feckin’ accordion everywhere.”