PAT HICKEY IMPLICATED IN ALL-IRELAND SENIOR CEILI BAND TICKET TOUTING SCANDAL

Disgraced former Olympic Council of Ireland chief Pat Hickey has today been implicated in another ticket touting scandal, this time involving tickets for the Senior Ceili Band competition at the all-Ireland Fleadh in Ennis.

Fresh from being released from his Brazilian prison cell for ticket touting at the Olympics, Hickey was arrested by Gardai at The Rowan Tree Hostel in Ennis for allegedly selling Senior Ceili Band tickets for 500 euro each.

It is thought that he attempted to evade capture by jumping into the River Fergus and swimming northwards, however he was soon caught as this route took him directly past both the Garda Station and Ennis Courthouse.

Gardai said: “Mr. Hickey was arrested this morning after it was discovered he was involved in a scam to sell Senior Ceili Band tickets for astronomical prices.”

“The scam was revealed when he was reported to have been seen by a member of the public outside Brogans in a hat and trenchcoat, preying on unsuspecting foreigners, promising them that various celebrities were to appear at the competition when in fact all they were getting was Chairman Lau and a bunch of old cronies.”

It has been rumoured that when Gardai knocked on the door of Hickey’s room, his wife informed them that he was down in a session in Fafa’s playing the spoons. When Gardai forced themselves inside the room, they were met with the sight of a naked Hickey jumping out the window into the cold River Fergus.

Gardai were able to fish him out of the river quite easily with a large net, after which he was placed in a jail cell next to the Scoil Eigse teachers, whose accommodation was downgraded by Cult-Ass in order cut costs and allow more money to pay for desserts every night for the Ard-Comhairle.

Despite this latest scandal however, Hickey is due to receive an Ard-Ollamh award from Cult-Ass for Services to the Dark Arts in 2017.