STEVE COONEY MISTAKEN FOR PADRE PIO, IS HONOURED BY THE VATICAN
Renowned traditional Irish guitarist Steve Cooney has told The Drone of his personal battle of being mistaken for venerated saint, Padre Pio.
Cooney spoke to reporters about his case of mistaken identity which according to him 'has been going on for years' and is only getting worse now that the Vatican is planning to honour Cooney in a lavish ceremony.
Vatican officials released a statement yesterday saying that Padre, or rather Cooney, has been invited to play at mass in St. Peter's Basilica for Pope Francis. They also say they are very excited to hear him play and that they were surprised to find out that Pio was learning the guitar while he was deceased.
Cooney spoke of his dismay: "This is the first time I've spoken to anyone about this problem. It's quite disturbing for me. I would be walking down the street and people would suddenly fall to their knees in front of me and pray. It's madness!"
"I know I should be used to it by now, what with people falling to their knees at my concerts because of my guitar playing...It's only natural. But people are calling me a saint! They think I'm back from the dead! They all think I'm speaking in tongues as well, but that's just my weird hybrid Connemara/Australian accent."
Steve said this all started a few years ago when hie beard started turning grey and that ever since then he hasn't been able to get a decent nights sleep with all the people turning up outside his house with lit candles: "It might as well be the middle of the day with the amount of candles."
"People think now that if I play in their session that they'll all be devoid of sin! They're even saying that Seamus Begley's sins will all be washed away because of our recordings together. Not even playing with Jesus himself could wash away his sins!"
Vatican officials told The Drone: "This is the first case of resurrection since Christ himself! All this time we thought he was lying in Foggio, but really he was learning guitar and living in Ireland! The priests in Foggio did think it was a little too quiet. They are as surprised as anyone!"
Cooney said the worst case of mistaken identity occurred at a recent concert when an audience member began to wash his feet: "I took to the stage barefoot like I always do and before I knew it, there was some worshipper washing them as I played...That was a low point for me."
The Drone managed to track down the audience member in question, who has a different telling of the event: "Well when Steve came out on stage we got this huge stink of feet. Awful. I just had to clean them right away to get rid of the smell!"