DISCLAIMER: Everything on this website, if you haven't noticed, is 'faux-news'. This means none of it is true...nothing...nada...zilch. It is all purely for humour's sake. If you don't have a sense of humour you shouldn't be here or anywhere where there are other humans. If you have a complaint please contact us and we will send our customer care team to your house when upon their arrival you will be euthanised. Enjoy!

FARMERS ERECT TONY MACMAHON SCARECROWS TO STOP BOUZOUKI PLAYERS DESTROYING CROPS

March 21, 2017

Farmers all over Ireland have erected scarecrows dressed as Tony MacMahon in a last ditch effort to stop unwanted bouzouki players from destroying their crops.

 

Effigies of the legendary accordion player have been put up in order to scare off roaming, feral bouzouki players and prevent them from eating the fresh crops. Bouzouki players are known to fear MacMahon ever since he expressed his dislike of the instrument on Joe Duffy's radio show.

 

The bouzouki players have been seen swarming around fields in the countryside, looking for sustenance and have taken to eating crops such as corn, wheat, barley and so on as a source of energy to continue their string thrashing at sessions.

 

A local farmer told The Drone: "Every year these bloody accompanists attack my crops and by the time they're finished there's nothing left! I work hard all year and this is what happens."

 

"I've done everything. I've put down poison and I've even laid traps but nothing has stopped them so far. They just seem to be able to sniff things out. I guess they have a knack for just ruining things. The MacMahon scarecrow is my last hope and if that doesn't work and don't know what I'll do."

 

The bouzouki players are thought to assemble in small numbers and attack the crops at night time, slipping in unnoticed and gradually taking over the entire field, much like they do at sessions.

 

Many different species have been recorded by farmers: an Alecus Finnus, a Donalae Lunnynum, a Cyrillus O'Donoghuep and a Mickebus Conneelytis among others.

 

"I'm putting all my hope into this Tony scarecrow. Don't let me down!"

 

Please reload

Archives

Please reload

Recent Posts

3 HOSTAGES TAKEN AS MINIBUS TO COORE FROM MILTOWN MALBAY HIJACKED

January 20, 2020

GRETA THUNBERG PROTESTS AGAINST TUNES WITH CLIMATE REFERENCES IN THE NAME

September 22, 2019

'ARE YE GOING TO THE FLEADH?', ASKS DROGHEDA GANG MEMBER

August 12, 2019

1/5
Please reload