top of page


The leader of a local session is beginning to worry about the distinct possibility of robots taking over his weekly gig.

Following the publication of a report that found that many jobs could be taken over by robots in the next 10 years, the man became concerned over the number of robots that have started to show up at his weekly session.

Huge leaps forward are being made in the area of artificial intelligence, and while fully blown automatons are a while away, music playing robots are already in existence.

The session leader spoke about how he is becoming increasingly worried: "When I heard about the report on the radio I knew it was only a matter of time before I was traded in for a newer model. I'd heard of robotic musicians but I thought the only ones were those Cult-Ass musicians."

"But since that report came out, more and more robots have been coming to my session. They keep edging in closer and closer, which I'm fairly sure is an attempt to force me out! They're definitely trying to get my gig. But I can tell you one thing, I'm not gonna be done out of €50 a week, no way!"

The robots are able to play any instrument and can join in any session without having to know the tunes. Any versions that are unusual, they can download via wifi as they have a direct connection to ''.

A number of sessions have already been replaced by robots who can also play for longer with virtually no resting, chatting or drinking in between sets, much like the sessions in Cult-Ass headquarters.

All of this news has only seen to unsettle the session leader even more: "Their glowing red eyes freak me out. And what's even worse is that they insist on changing the names of tunes to include references to robots, like 'The Terminator Behind the Barrell', 'The Humours of Bally-Dalek' and 'The Whistling Robocop'."

"Awful stuff. And it takes ages to get them a pint too. They only drink oil so every time it's your round you have to run down to the local garage and fill up a jerry can. It's a nightmare."


Recent Posts
bottom of page