STUDY FINDS RED-HAIRED IRISH MUSICIANS 'PLAY WITH NO SOUL'

A study has been released confirming what many traditional musicians have thought for decades: that ginger haired musicians 'play with no soul'.

While gingers have always been mocked for lacking a soul it has never been proven that this has affected their playing of Irish music. But this recent study has proven that their music does indeed lack that 'heart' that makes traditional music so distinctive.

Thaddeus O'Luanaigh of DCU's Traditional Music Research Centre explained the findings and their projected effects on the legacy of ginger musicians in Irish music.

"It was quite clear from the start. Our tests are always conducted with adequate controls. We had two sessions going on at the one time: one with ginger musicians and one with normal musicians. The people listening to the normal musicians really responded to the lift and expression in their playing while the ginger session got no reaction with people instead becoming aggressive towards the gingers."

"It's quite well known that the colour orange elicits rage in other humans which is a reason why people are so angry at them all the time. In other tests we saw that ginger musicians played with less 'bounce' and rhythm overall with condsiderably less flamboyance. God I hate gingers..."

The news of the study came as a shock to many Irish people considering there has always been a link with Irishness and red-hair however the last census showed there are considerably less ginger haired Irish musicians now than there have been previously.

O'Luanaigh went on to stress that it is important for people to report any ginger musicians living in their local area to authorities so they can be committed and undergo soul therapy.

"We have to inject some life into these beings. If they begin to reproduce and their offspring take up instruments then it's only a matter of time before we end up with a whole generation of robotic, soulless playing. Just look at Cult-Ass."