CLARE COUNTY COUNCIL TO END ONE CONCERTINA-PLAYING CHILD POLICY AND ALLOW TWO

Clare County Council has announced it plans to end the area's one concertina-playing child policy and begin to allow couples to have two, reports in the Clare Champion suggest.

The controversial policy was introduced in the 1970s when concertina playing was rife amongst local communities, leaving sessions overflowing with the instrument. In an effort to curb this the county council decided that each family could only have one concertina playing child per household.

It is estimated to have prevented millions of concertina players from being bred and saved countless sessions in the process. A local TD has welcomed the news and says that it will help the now help rebuild the concertina playing population.

"For too long this law has been in place. Clare is known for having a concertina in every house so it has been quite difficult for this practise of one child playing it to be implemented."

"But now that there is a shortage of concertina players the council has seen the light! At the moment there is only an average of 3 and a half concertina players per session. We want ot bring it up to 6 and a half! The halves being those East Clare fuckers. West Clare is where it's at!"

Couples who violated the policy faced a variety of punishments such as a 3 year membership of Cult-Ass, only being allowed to attend singing sessions, etc. However the policy has seen an instrumental imbalance with the number of concertinas dropping rapidly since its implementation.

The council relaxed the policy a few years by allowing couples whose other children took up other instruments to have another child who was allowed play concertina.